he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
