if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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