the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We need to rekindle our bromance
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
