That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
