Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
