help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
