you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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