her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
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You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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