you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
