Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
