she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
