i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
