i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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