I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
