Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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