So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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