Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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