I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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