1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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