I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
