Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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