She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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