sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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