Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
What a dumb baby whore.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
