someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
