Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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