dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
