I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I cannot find my penis.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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