things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
