Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
