oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
