im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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