Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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