new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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