I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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