Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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