Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
