Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
