Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
