i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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