I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
