should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
