ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
