and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
