Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize