Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
