so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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