We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
