Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
