He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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