Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
