she smelled like a LAN party
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
