Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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