I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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