I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
