She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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