dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
