thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
