you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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