I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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