my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
