Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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